A summit of the kids

Sister K, Sister L, Brother J, Sister S

It's been almost a week and I apologize. The sisters started arriving last Thursday and by Friday night the four of us kids all gathered at the greasy spoon, open 24 hours, where we hashed out more or less were we stood -- where Mom stood -- and discussed matters related to her far and wide. Sister S had arrived the day before and, guided by "The Conversation" -- you can find it online -- asked her what she wanted, what her goals were. 

Sister S: 

I asked her to think about priorities in her life; what she would really like to do before she becomes "too sick". She said she would like to be surrounded by family. 

Me again. That phrase, "she would like to be surrounded by family," may be innocuous enough, but it makes me shudder. That's all she can think of -- all she has thought of her entire life -- and it is suffocating. 

But she was happy all weekend -- her three girls in her face, and me making guest appearances. She got her meds back on Friday, and that perked her up, and then sheer family adrenaline powered her through, making her more energetic and more determined to engage than she has been in a while. By sheer force of will, she stayed up till about 9 Saturday night listening to us talk, talking a little herself, and worked hard to stay with it on Sunday afternoon when she had a friend from out of town -- talk, dinner out, more talk -- before Sister K spent an hour putting her to bed. 

The sisters left one by one, and I can't but think that after K left, Monday morning, she started to sink. 

Tonight, at dinner, she was pale, her face rumpled, and her eyes looked dead. She really can't keep up with the conversation at dinner, so I pull myself away from it every so often and translate for her in her ear, or make some observation.

We did our rituals, and found an email that said her friend, Maureen, had died just this morning. She had had cancer. Mom was frantic to know more, so we called her friend Sj, and she hadn't heard about it, and seemed, herself, surprised. Sj promised to call her back tomorrow. 

*

When the sisters come, they do so much with her. They took her on a walk, had lunch at a coffee shop, ate out -- so many things that it makes me feel like I'm just going through the motions. I have to tell myself: I'm here all the time. It's not special. It's day-to-day. If I were to put in the energy all the time that they bring to a three-day visit, I think my mom and I would drive each other mad. That, or I would just collapse.